Eight to Late

Note: Despite references to this sorry saga, the author affirms that this is a work of fiction.

Good morning, Mr. CEO Sir,
we offer services complete.
We’ll take care of your computers,
and fudge your balance sheet.

We’ll overstate your revenue,
and inflate profits.
Thus boosting your share value
in global stock markets.

We’ll find you well-known auditors
to sign off your accounts.
A thumbs-up from their managers
will put to rest all doubts.

Soon you’ll get rewards for sure,
despite such malfeasance.
Trophies and awards galore
for corporate governance.

I trust our varied expertise
gives you confidence.
We’ll take good care of your IT
…and your finances.

It began as some projects do,
with users who hadn’t a clue.
Their requirements
made no sense,
filling merely a page or two.

The PM,  he knew the score.
He asked the users for more.
They flatly declined
saying ”We have no time,”
and booted him out the door.

The PM, now filled with dread,
went to the sponsor and said,
“We cannot proceed.”
The boss disagreed,
commanding him to press ahead.

The team, though flying blind,
worked hard (no time to unwind).
Built an app to the spec,
but the users said, “Heck,
this ain’t what we had in mind.”

The moral is clear to see:
With specs unclear or murky,
you’d do well to try
using techniques agile,
delivering frequently.

–

Some recent posts in my “five limericks” series are:

A cliche-ridden corporate crisis in five limericks
SOA what? A clarification for CIOs in five limericks
A cynic’s introduction to project management artefacts in five limericks
An IT system tragedy in five limericks

In times of crisis, managers of all persuasions tend to lapse into cliche-speak. So it’s no surprise when things go from bad to verse…

Market churn has set us adrift.
What we need is a paradigm shift.
Get our ducks in a row,
stretch the envelope,
to keep us from going o’er the cliff.

The boss says, “Let’s touch base.
Make game-plans for the next phase.
We’ll have meetings and talks.
Think outside the box,
to ensure we’re still in the race.”

But the elephant in the room
refuses to sing to our tune,
or dance to our beat,
sing from the same sheet
- even once in a blue moon.

Chin up! We’re still in the ring.
The fat lady hasn’t started to sing.
It ain’t over, they say,
’til it’s over, so hey,
let’s see what the new day will bring.

In the end, we stake our claim
to fifteen seconds of fame.
All said and done,
we’ve hit a home run
in the dying minutes of the game.

CIOs struggling to keep a lid
on expenses not budgeted,
should have no fear
for help is here -
through designs, service-oriented.

A consulting giant claims
cost cuts and many more gains
will come one’s way
when SOA
unshackles technology’s chains.

“The Next Revolution in Productivity.”
Hype’s alive and well – so we see.
But implementing software
that’s not business aware
will cause much pain and grief.

The slick salespersons who sell
SOA software won’t tell
the truth, it’s tragic
that it ain’t no magic,
but a true integration hell.

So, don’t be sold snake-oil.
For you will be in for much toil.
With nothing to show
for all your spent dough,
but an organisation in turmoil.

Project managers as a rule,
will construct a project schedule
on a wing and a prayer,
and estimates from thin air,
creating a timeline untrue.

The well-regarded Gantt chart
is little more than a work of art.
For it only masks
that most project tasks
never begin when intended to start.

A project management tool
can spice up a dodgy schedule
with critical paths,
simulations and charts.
Accuracy? Who cares – it looks cool.

Progress reports for sponsor reviews
should be vetted for only good news.
No one wants to hear
of impending failure,
or how things are going down the tubes.

Organisations have discerned
that documenting lessons learned
is a complete waste,
’cause they’re rarely based
on events that really occurred.
                                                                  —

Other posts in my “five limericks” series are:

An IT system tragedy in five limericks.
A project procrastinator’s tale in five limericks.
A corporate IT tragedy in five limericks
A manager’s response to a corporate IT tragedy in five limericks
A project management tragedy in five limericks